Showing Up is Brave

Showing Up is Brave

Often we think it’s the big gesture that counts as bravery, but it’s not. Showing up is enough. It means we are invested in developing our own courage and that we care enough to be present with other people.

My beloved hero Anne Lamott says, “The people who show up are inevitably the right ones.” The older I get, the more strongly I adhere to this truth. When life is hard and we feel beaten down, we demonstrate bravery when we simply show up.

This week I fly to Edmonton to present three sessions at a teachers’ convention (the first of three I will be speaking at this February and March). I love speaking, particularly when the message I’m delivering is one I believe to the core of my soul, but that doesn’t mean my knees won’t still knock together when I stand in front of 200+ teachers and attempt to keep them engaged and interested for an hour.

When I feel nervous, I repeat Rob Bell’s mantra, “Butterflies mean you are in the game.” I’m challenging myself by submitting speaking proposals all over the place and when I get offered contracts, I have to believe that just showing up is what I’m called to do. It’s brave enough just to do the best I can.

I adore the song in La La Land that Emma Stone’s character sweetly sings for courage in one key audition scene. She sings, “Here’s to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem, here’s to the hearts that ache, here’s to the mess we make.” So incredibly beautiful, inspiring and true to my experience.

It’s normal for our hearts to ache and for our dreams to seem impossibly big and hard to achieve. But when we take small steps toward our highest hopes and aspirations, these moments are for celebrating. I’m really working on it being enough, exactly as the journey unfolds, instead of keening for better, different, more extravagant.

Does it seem easier just to show up? It does to me, for it means that the analysis of what I’m presenting or writing or creating is not up to me. The audience gets to decide if it meets their needs or fails to meet their expectations. My part of the bargain is to be prepared, to show up and say what I have to say. I’m going to trust that it’s enough.

If you have something to do that scares you, know that you are on the right track. You can do the things you don’t think you are ready for. You’ll never feel completely ready. At a certain point, you have to jump. This is how you stave off boredom and stagnation – you follow your curiosity and stay ahead of your own comfort level. That’s the growing zone. It’s where we feel most alive.

Try it. Believe that you will have what it takes at the moment you are thrust into the challenging situation. You won’t have any assurances while you are thinking about it and preparing for it. You’ll just have to trust that you will be up to the task. That’s what I’m doing, and so far it’s working. Showing up is brave. It feels like soaring when you’ve proven to yourself that you do, indeed, have what it takes.

We Have Choices!

We Have Choices!

Isn’t it delightful to remember that we have choices? I know I’m stuck in old, nasty habits when I feel victimized, stuck, helpless. I am none of those things and neither are you. The key is to keep this awareness front and centre.

We are women in 2016. We can do anything and be anything we set our mind to. We are done playing small and being nice as our main mode of existence. Now is the time to step up and make a difference in this world, for our own self esteem and to help someone else who can use what we have to give.

Choices are like oxygen. They make everything easier, as long as we have the courage to pursue them with our whole heart. Sure, risks will be required and there are no guarantees of success, but prioritizing safety above all else becomes just as dangerous over a long period of time. Life is meant to be lived, dammit, and it’s up to us to go out there and make our dreams come true.

we have choicesA little over one hundred years ago, women couldn’t vote. We’ve come a long way, baby, and in some ways we are only just getting started. I worried about pleasing my peers in junior high, but thirty years later my daughter Ava doesn’t give a shit about that which looks like progress to me.

We can all learn from each other. I have a mentor, Toby, who shows me what it looks like to kick ass and take names. From her I learn clarity, focus and drive.

One of my friends, Pam, is a beautiful mix of gentleness and strength. When I watch her, I see conflict resolution marinated in grace and humour.

Then there is my walking buddy, Kari, who teaches me how to be warm, fun and generous. Without these women and many others, it would take much longer for me to develop new and healthier habits. They light the path in the darkest times and I’m there to do the same for them.

Let’s never forget the myriad of choices we have. If we hate our job, we can find another one. If we are bored where we live, we can seek out a new town or city. If we feel stuck and unhappy, we can figure out why and change our part in the dynamic for a different result. The only limits that exist are the ones we place on ourselves.

This world is a huge, exciting place and we are all alive at this one point in time. Let’s support each other and make it count by using our voice, bravely facing our areas of conflict and making bold choices that will alter the trajectory of our futures.