I’ve done it. I made it to the end of my full-time, in-person MFA in Creative Writing graduate program at UBC. I graduate later this month, in a cap and gown (something I missed out on when graduating from KPU with my BA in spring 2021 due to Covid protocols), and I’m excited and proud of this milestone achievement.
There were many times over the last two years that I doubted myself. I felt old, compared to my younger peers, and I worried that my style of writing wasn’t literary enough or avant-garde like the work others were producing. I experienced several moments of personal crisis, where I actively considered not writing at all.
Two things pulled me out of this tailspin. The first was my thesis process. I had a kick-ass advisor, and he gave me permission to write the book I longed to write. He told me to push aside any thoughts of grades, or critiques, or publishing, and simply WRITE for the pure joy of it. After a hard first year of grad classes, his encouragement and belief in my abilities saved me. It set me free from thinking about other people’s opinions and what might sell in the future or not sell. He let me write what was in my heart, and as a result the novel poured out of me. Writing that book made me feel like a writer again.
The second thing that restored my faith in myself was returning to creative nonfiction. Memoir is my first love (other than screenplays), but during my four years of undergrad and the first year of my MFA, I wrote mostly fiction. I didn’t know it, but I was slowly becoming disconnected from my own literary voice. Taking classes in CNF gave me back my voice. It restored my confidence. One woman went so far as to write me a letter after my workshop, saying how much my writing had meant to her, and she urged me to bank on myself. Her encouragement was like an outstretched hand, offering to pull me up and out of the quicksand I’d been sinking in. She helped me to breathe again.
During my last term in the program, I taught a third-year seminar creative writing class, while taking a graduate class in teaching and pedagogy, and I realised that I’m ready to take a new step in my career. I had a series of meetings with professors from both undergrad and grad school, and a fresh vision for my future began to emerge. I’m not quite ready to share all those details yet, because they are still in the early stages, but I’m excited and hopeful about what’s ahead. I have dreamed it, and begun to put a solid foundation under it, and I’ve stopped allowing others to define success for me. I’m now doing that for myself.
In a few weeks, I’ll cross a stage at UBC and receive my Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing. I’ve worked hard, achieving an A+ grade average over both of my degrees. I’ve learned a lot, met some fascinating and talented people, and grown and changed in ways I couldn’t begin to conceive of when I returned to university as a mature student in 2017.
It’s time to celebrate, and the future looks bright.