Showing all posts tagged breathing

In Culture, Identity, Minimalism, Nurture, Personal Growth, Relationships, Speaking, University, Writing

3 Words for 2021

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

Every year I choose 3 words to focus on. For 2021, I picked peace, priorities and potential (can you tell I’m in a poetry class in my final semester of my undergrad and we are focusing on techniques like alliteration?).

Living into these words looks different from year to year, but I like the process of noticing how they filter into my life month by month, and then reflecting on them at the end of the year. This is what I’m hoping to discover with each of these words:

Peace

I think of peace not as a permanent state of being but as a worthy goal to aim for. I long for peace in my relationships, within my own mind and heart, and for my words and actions to reflect peace toward others and the larger world. For me, peace is best achieved through controlled, deep breathing and meditation to slow my thoughts down. When I fail to achieve peace by speaking rudely to others or thinking violent thoughts, I try to centre myself, apologize, and try again to promote peace from the inside out.

Priorities

As Queen Oprah once said, “There’s no such thing as balance, only choices.” In 2021, I want to make better use of my time by better managing my choices. I try to remember Annie Dillard’s wise words, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Years ago, I practiced saying no to what I didn’t want to do in order to have more time for what I really wanted to accomplish. Now, it’s much harder than that, for I have to say no to things I like in order to make space for what I love. My key priorities this year are writing, speaking, graduating university, resting and nurturing those I’m closest to (and being nurtured by them in return).

Potential

Late last year, I heard Rob Bell say in one of his RobCast’s, “As writers, we have to make peace with unrealized potential.” I loved this quote so much that I wrote it down and stuck it above my writing desk. Potential has long been the bane of my existence. For decades, I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. The fear that I was wasting my potential dogged me every single day. I’m exhausted by fighting with my own “unrealized potential.” This is the year I’m determined to lay down this endless grudge match with myself. I’m going to struggle with this concept until I’ve made peace with it.

What are your words for 2021? What areas of growth would you like to focus on in the coming year?

In Culture, Identity, Nurture, Personal Growth, Relationships

Feel Through

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

“You know how to push through, now it’s time to feel through.”

I’ve been seeing a new counsellor for the past few weeks, and in my last session she suggested it might be time to start feeling my way through instead of putting my head down and trying to power through like I usually do. The simplicity of the phrase “feel through” has been helping me slow down and stay in the moment more.

We live in the information age, where logic is worshipped above all else. My counsellor has this visual of a line drawn with her finger across her throat and then her hand raised to the top of her head. She does this when I’m processing a thought verbally but I’m staying completely in my head instead of moving down into the heart space where my feelings are stored.

She repeatedly says, “Stay quiet for a moment and notice what is happening in your body.” This is so new for me that I find it uncomfortable, but simply breathing and feeling gets me much closer to the breakthrough I’m looking for. Getting out of my head is critical for this process to work. Now, when I’m talking to her or to others, I’m likely to stop mid-sentence, draw a line across my throat and indicate my head, and then start again from a soul place rather than a brain place.

This feel through stuff is powerful. It’s the engine of our lives. The pain and grief I’m wanting to work with doesn’t dwell in my head. It’s in my body. Ditto for the memories I’m trying to access in order to understand where some of my faulty coping mechanisms originated from. I have to go below the line of my neck to find those, and I know I’m close when I start shaking or crying before speaking about them.

We’ve all been through quite a year in 2020. In these quiet days before Christmas I like to spend time with my journal, reflecting on what happened while looking ahead to a year with fresh possibilities. There’s a lot of sadness to feel before moving on to more pleasant emotions like hope or joy. The only way out is ever through.

I wish you peace and rest this December, along with space to feel through instead of simply pushing through. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

In Culture, Nurture, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationships

Going Deeper

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on Leave a comment
Going Deeper

I sat down to write my blog yesterday and for the first time in six years I had literally nothing to say. I started and erased four different entries before giving up.

The U.S. election has put me in a funk. I’m fighting my way out of a cloud of uncertainty, fear and barely suppressed rage. It’s awful to watch something unfolding and have no compass for understanding why it’s occurring. I hate the direction the culture of the world is heading in. It feels like stepping back in time and losing all societal forward progress toward acceptance, freedom and kindness.

Today I feel marginally stronger and able to marshall my flying thoughts in one direction. I long to go deeper. The answers are not found on Facebook, Twitter or by watching so-called “experts” on the news. This is the way of madness; futility and bleak predicted outcomes that have no basis in reality.

going-deeperWhat helps is sitting still and breathing. Praying. Being generous to ourselves so we can give to others without burning out. Remaining calm when the world is burning is an act of radical courage. Peace provides a balm that soothes frayed nerves and overworked minds.

It takes a lot of willpower for me to stop forecasting disaster scenarios and listening to other people’s doom and gloom doesn’t help me break this cycle. The world has not ended. The sun continues to rise and set and our loved ones are still all around us. Our kids need us to show them the way through. Bravery is the currency we need right now.

Answers are found in stillness, not in social media. I’m weary of my own opinions and everyone else’s. When nothing is clear, go deeper inward, to the place where peace is buried. It’s there, under the noise and the strain and the worry. It’s in each of us, a lit candle in the fiercest, blackest storm, and I’m determined to find it and shelter its flame.

We need each other, now more than ever. It’s helpful to reassure and encourage when so much of the Internet is aflame with anger and insults. We are all just trying to find our way. We want the best for our children. We do what we think is best so gentleness is paramount, even when we cannot grasp why this series of events has unfolded and we have strong feelings about it.

I’m so glad Christmas is coming. This year, more than ever, I’m desperate for hope, love and a promise of peace. If I want stability in the world I must first create it in myself. And so must you. Let’s link hands in the darkness and whisper, “We are okay. I’m here with you.” This will help. So will going deep to find that place of stillness and comfort. It’s always darkest right before the sun rises and we get another day to do some good for ourselves and for others.