Every year, I choose 3 words to focus on. Last year, I picked Process, not Product, and it was fun to learn to live into the concept of enjoying writing and teaching for the act itself, not for the end product of completing the project. Slowly but surely, my mindset changed over the course of twelve months.
This year, I chose Bank on Yourself. The phrase itself came from a new friend in my MFA program who took the time to write me a letter when I felt discouraged after one of my workshops. She said, “You know who you are and what it is you want to say. Your writing is beautiful. Bank on yourself.” What a precious gift of encouragement she gave to me that day, and beyond, for I’ve thought of her words often.
For quite awhile now, I’ve been trying to build up my own sense of competency. I worked with two different counsellors on this, and like all personal growth, I felt like I was floundering until one day I wasn’t. One day, I came to my feet, and found that I was once again standing on firm ground.
I could look back and prove to myself just how far I’ve come. That evidence helped me believe in myself again. For too long, I’d had so many other voices in my ear. Voices saying, “Not quite good enough” or “No one wants to read your work” or “You aren’t qualified to teach this or say this.” But it turns out I am qualified. I am good enough. And I’ve connected with a number of people who have kindly told me they do want to read what I’m writing.
That moment when a new puzzle piece of understanding clicks into place is a sensual experience. It involves all of the senses, making us feel like we are wide awake instead of half asleep. Suddenly, we can see new possibilities that were invisible to us before. It’s magic. For me, it never gets old or boring. It’s fresh and exciting every single time it happens.
In 2023, I’m graduating with my MFA in Creative Writing. I returned to university in 2017, hoping to graduate with my BA in ten years, so I could finish what I started thirty-two years ago. Instead of a decade, it took me 6 years to complete two degrees, and somewhere along the way I discovered a new dream of teaching young writers at the undergrad level. I’m so close now. And my publishing dreams are shifting and changing and taking on new and thrilling proportions.
I’m banking on myself, and it feels fucking amazing. I turned 50, and decided to stop waiting around. The time is now to step up and do all the things we’ve always wanted to do.
What are your three words for 2023?
