Julianne Harvey

In Culture, Identity, Nurture, Parenting, Relationships

Why the Women’s March Matters

Julianne HarveyJanuary 24, 2017January 24, 2017

The Women’s March matters because now is the time to wake up and fight for what we all deserve: basic human rights of equality, respect and dignity.

I floated the idea of attending the Women’s March in Vancouver on January 21st to my husband and kids in a somewhat lacklustre manner. I said, “I’d really like to attend this march because I think it’s critically important to stand up for what I believe is right, but I also want to sleep in on Saturday.”

My thirteen-year-old daughter, who is a feminist through and through, immediately responded, “I’m in. Let’s go.” My husband said the same thing. My plans to sleep in were jettisoned in favour of a momentous cultural moment. I’m so grateful for their positive response to this idea, for I needed the kick in the ass to move beyond what I say to what I’m willing to show up for and be a part of.

The time has come to stop hoping for change and to instead become that change. It’s not enough to sit by and be silent. Many women have taken that path throughout history, for a lot of different reasons, but now, in 2017, we’ve come too damn far to stay quiet now.

For the first time since the U.S. election, I felt optimistic again while I was marching. I felt powerful, like what I want is achievable if I’ve got the guts to go for it. I will not say nothing and passively watch our culture slide further to the right into an outdated and unfairly oppressive system of patriarchy.

Women and minorities are powerful when we join together and say, “No more of this. We are valuable and important and we have voices that we aren’t afraid to use.” Sure, it might make some people uncomfortable. So what? The spirit of the Women’s Marches around the globe was one of power, peace and unity. I could feel it in my bones in Vancouver. It woke something up that was too afraid to come out into the light before.

I watched Ava’s face as we walked, chanted, read signs, laughed, linked arms and participated. Her features were lit up, fierce, on fire, alive and alert. It was beautiful. I felt the surging energy of the crowd, passionate enough to show up early on a drizzly Saturday morning in the tens of thousands to say, “We are here. We matter. We will not be ignored.”

In my lifetime I’ve never seen a coordinated protest rise up around the world in response to the American inauguration of a new president. But the integrity of the man they have elected matters. The danger he poses to women, minorities, immigrants and the marginalized is very real and deeply disturbing. I’m concerned when I talk to people who don’t seem bothered by what is developing to the south of us.

I’m immensely proud to be a woman with a husband and children who were ready and willing to show up and march. The real work of resistance is only beginning, but hot damn, what a crackerjack opening we had around the globe on Saturday.

It’s not enough to wait and see what happens. We’ve been grieving and fearful for awhile now. It’s women who made this mammoth march happen in a short amount of time. We are the ones who have to show up and fight for what we believe in.

Clearly, many people are willing to do this important work. I’m encouraged by these numbers. It makes me feel less terrified and alone. Let’s keep going. We matter and we have a lot of work to do to keep this momentum going.

In Culture, Identity, Minimalism, Nurture

Opting Out of Being Pretty

Julianne HarveyJanuary 17, 2017January 17, 2017

Okay, ladies, I’ve got a challenge for you. It involves living as bravely as we can by daring to be our true, authentic selves. This includes saying what we mean, feeling all of our emotions, no matter how wild, showing up exactly as we are without feeling that we need to cover up with makeup, style our hair or dress up a certain way.

Did I have you right up until that last sentence?

Lately I’m longing to just be myself by opting out of the heavy societal pressure to be pretty. Actually, it’s more than opting out. I want to actively oppose the idea that I’m supposed to be made up, fashionable, presentable in some prescribed manner. This is a tax that men and boys do not have to pay to exist in the world. It’s time for women to get to do the same without being labelled as “letting themselves go.”

If I want to feel strong and confident and in control of who I am and what I look like, I get to make this decision myself. I don’t need anyone else’s permission and neither do you. But the tide of cultural expectations is a formidable entity to challenge, so it helps when we don’t feel too isolated or odd or strange. There’s safety in a few numbers, hence my challenge to join me in this revolutionary act.

I’ve been going out into the world without makeup now for about a year. Sometimes I wear it for special occasions or to boost my self-esteem when I know every other woman in the room will be beautifully made up, but more often than not, I have gone out into society without the armour of powder, liquid makeup, concealer, blush, mascara, eyeliner or lipstick (even typing out this partial list feels exhausting to me).

Now, at the beginning of 2017, I want to take this experiment up a notch. I still don’t want to cover up my face in private or in public, but now I want to feel just as beautiful and desirable with a natural face as I would with one full of makeup. This may take me a bit of time. It’s far too easy to feel less-than.

And I totally understand that some women like putting on makeup and doing their hair. I’m not saying this is wrong. I just long to move away from the pressure I sense to look a certain way in order to feel beautiful, acceptable, worthy. I want those things to come from inside of me and not be hinged on any outside factor.

So I’m going forward from here, taking huge inspiration from Alicia Keys and Leith McHugh (Brave Beauty) and others. A group of us is out there already but we can always use more. Courage is contagious. It grows and spreads and helps us all to be better versions of our truest selves.

I’d love to hear from my readers and keep this conversation going. Anyone go out regularly without makeup and feel fantastic and brave? Drop me a line and let me know that we are in this together.

In Culture, Identity, Nurture, Relationships

Held

Julianne HarveyJanuary 10, 2017January 9, 2017

Whenever I start to panic about the state of the world (fairly often, these days), I picture the word “held” in my mind. This word conjures up a sense of safety, even when it can’t be found in anything around me, and helps to remind me that I am not alone.

The incredible success of the wonderfully joyful musical La La Land at the Golden Globes on Sunday night speaks to a dearth of optimism in the hearts of people at this moment in time. I think we are all in need of serious cheer. We want to believe that the U.S. isn’t going down in flames and threatening to bring a large portion of the globe down with them.

I am either held and safe, or I’m not. So I choose to believe that I’m going to be okay. That we are all capable of surviving difficult times. We have reserves of strength that none of us have ever had to touch yet that will be there for us when we need them.

Meryl Streep’s powerful speech beautifully drove home the power of empathy and how dark the world seems when it’s missing or under attack. All I know is that we must shine brighter when night falls. Being afraid is not going to get us very far. That is the coward’s way, and I have to believe that we are not cowards.

Held. To be held implies a sort of surrender, to someone or something bigger than we are. This can be God, fate, love, a higher power, forgiveness, nature or anything else. It just has to be big enough and capable enough to hold you and comfort you. To help in the scariest moments of your life. To offer peace and hope when these elements are in short supply.

Together we are always stronger than when we are divided. It’s time to come together, to keep the dialogue of empathy and generosity going, even when it might not be popular. Especially when it’s not popular.

Many of us are heartbroken and discouraged by the direction of the world. Today, let’s remember that we are held, and safe, and find in this knowledge the courage to keep going. To let our light be enough for us to see by, and possibly to spread hope to a few people around us. This is our legacy. This is enough.

In Identity, Nurture, Personal Growth

3 Words for 2017: Open, Accepting, Anchored

Julianne HarveyJanuary 3, 2017January 3, 2017

I’ve chosen my 3 guiding words for 2017: open, accepting, anchored. I enjoy the process of arriving on these words to focus on. I get quiet, I close my eyes, I breathe deeply and I wait. They settle in on my soul, like snowflakes, one by one. I recognize each word as it enters my consciousness, inviting me to accept the unique challenge it offers.

I loved this 3 word experiment so much last year that I pushed Jason and the kids to pick new words along with me for 2017. Ava and Jason each chose one and William, true to character, refused (but Jason and I selected one for him).

Author Sarah Bessey picks one word for her year and she shared this beautiful site where they will handwrite your words and send you a digital copy to print and look at all year. I plan to order one.

The power of choosing these 3 words is that when I get off course in 2017, as I inevitably will, I can use them as a rudder to point me back in the direction I want to be going in. For as long as we are drawing breath, we can improve, change and grow. We are never stuck, unless we decide to be. We always have more internal work we can do.

Here are my 3 words for 2017:

Open.

I spent way too many years of my life closed off in a world of black and white absolutes. Now I long for openness. I must practice being open in a variety of areas: my mind, my heart, my beliefs, my breath, my body. I’m visualizing a rose tightly coiled in the bud, ready to unfurl day by day to reveal its fullest beauty to the world.

Accepting.

After openness comes acceptance. I often struggle with people or belief systems that are wildly different from who I am and what I hold dear. This year I am seeking chances to practice accepting others where they are instead of forcing my ways and ideas on them. For this, my visual is open palms, tipped to the sky, accepting experiences and people as they are instead of trying to make them what I want them to be.

Anchored.

To me, this word means present, held, rooted. I’m in need of this discipline as I’m so often somewhere else. My mind noses way down the road, to some uncertain future, instead of being anchored in the now. I want to notice more in 2017. To use my five senses. To remind myself to stay rooted and here in my own life. For this, the image is a wrought-iron ship anchor – heavy, ornate, rusty, well-used, dependable and beloved.

Happy New Year, my friends. What are your words for 2017?

In Identity, Nurture, Personal Growth, Relationships

3 Words for 2016 Review: Strong, Clear, Optimistic

Julianne HarveyDecember 27, 2016December 27, 2016

At the end of 2015, I picked three words to focus on in 2016: strong, clear, optimistic. Looking back over the course of my year, I can see how I lived into these words, defining and understanding their worth and value.

The messy process of human existence is a fascinating topic. Our growth tends to be agonizingly slow and frustrating. It’s one step forward and three back, making us doubt any progress is happening at all, but if we give it enough time, eventually we can chart our halting, incremental changes.

I started 2016 with a smouldering restlessness. It was undefined and non-specific, but a fuse was lit in my spirit that signalled a need for a reboot. As the year wore on, it became apparent that Jason and the kids were also feeling this vague discontent, so as a family we actively sought what we referred to as a new start (actually, ANUSTART, which fans of Arrested Development will appreciate).

This came to us in early July, in the form of a job offer in the Vancouver area for Jason. We worked our butts off to list our house and get him out to B.C. to start his new job.

Then my appendix burst and made everything significantly more complicated, but it also propelled me onto a fresh track for deep personal transformation. In a very real sense, my appendix was the catalyst for a necessary life rupture for me.

Out of that painful, expensive, frightening and uncertain time came the opportunity to practice being strong, clear and optimistic. I would never have foreseen or designed this hospital stay and complex recovery period at the beginning of the year when I chose those three words, but in the way of most significant events in life, my appendix surgery gave me exactly what I needed to make those words real in my experience.

So as this (mostly) challenging, difficult, stressful year winds to a close, I am reflecting on what it means to be strong, clear and optimistic. I’m feeling grateful for the opportunity to live out these skills that I recognized as areas of weakness when I chose them to focus on.

I also stated that I wanted to let go of my deep-seated fear that I am not enough: a shame-fueled energy suck that has hampered me for my entire existence. I had many chances to practice this in 2016. Plenty of situations invited me to walk through my scalding fear that who I am was not enough, for myself or for others. And slowly I proved that I am indeed enough, just as I am, without having to distract people or fool them.

The relief in this discovery was as large as the galaxy itself. None of this was straightforward or easy, but so worth it when I look back and chart this growth trajectory. It feels inevitable, like it was always going to unspool this way and set up the new challenges and triumphs that 2017 is sure to bring.