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In Culture, Nurture, Personal Growth, Relationships, University, Writing

A Powerful Place

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

“Being okay if it happens and okay if it doesn’t is a very powerful place to be.” This quote by Kate Eckman has been giving me new life in the hot mess that is 2020.

I like to believe that I can attain everything I want, but sometimes this “power of positive thinking” approach lets me down. What happens when obstacles crop up that aren’t under my direct control? Then I’m left spinning in frustration, feeling less-than because I’ve failed, once again, to make my dream a reality.

For years now, I’ve been experimenting with the idea that it’s better to move with the river’s current than against it. I still believe this is true, but somehow combining that visual image with the phrase “I’m okay if it happens and okay if it doesn’t” seems to put a fresh spin on the notion of personal acceptance.

One beautiful benefit of Covid-19 is the move away from individuality and into a renewed sense of community. We are truly all in this together. When I wear a mask in a public space, I do it to protect you as much as myself. When we stay home when we are sick or are asked to quarantine by our government, we do it to preserve our public health. Looking out for one another is powerful. It shows that we care.

It’s impossible to peer into the future and know with any certainty what is going to happen. This is always true, but especially so in a pandemic. “Being okay if it happens and okay if it doesn’t is a very powerful place to be.” This phrase reminds me that I’m not in control of everything. I can choose to fight this or accept it. Many days I fight, before eventually surrendering. Hopefully, in time, I’ll find it easier to choose acceptance first.

Here we are, on the doorstep of the summer, even if it’s unlike other summers we’ve seen before. I’m tired of trying to cajole or force my will on situations. I really just want to let it be, whatever it is, and relax into the uncertainty. It’s easy to type this and much harder to live it out, hour by hour, but we must first set an intention in order to move in the direction we want to go.

Hopefully it helps all of us to remember that it’s powerful to be okay if we get what we want and be equally okay if we don’t. We have lessons to learn in both scenarios. Let us unclench our fists as we practice holding looser to our deepest desires. I hope to meet you in the river, as we move with the current of life instead of against it.

In Culture, Identity, Nurture, Personal Growth, Politics

What’s Underneath

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

I think of this moment in time as an iceberg. Pre-pandemic, when time moved quickly and we were endlessly consumed by entertainment, money and distractions, we focused the bulk of our attention on the tiny triangle of ice we could see, hear, taste, touch and smell. But underneath is what really matters.

This Covid-19 pandemic has given us the opportunity to go deeper. First within ourselves, then wider into the society we’ve been living in. Staying home and closing down the economy has served as an invitation to examine our usual practices in a variety of areas: how we spend our time, our money, our lives. What are our priorities? What do we want most in life?

Right now, major cities in the US are rising up against tyranny, injustice and brutality. Around the world, including in my own country of Canada, people are protesting in solidarity with those who have long been oppressed, silenced and murdered. We are seeing the visible tip of the iceberg here, but underneath is a roiling tsunami of historical rage that is once again spilling over.

In theory, I am a pacifist who abhors violence, but since 2016 I’ve been angry in every one of my bones (a friend of mine takes this image further by saying the rage has spilled into her very DNA). I cannot help but wonder if this large-scale violence is getting us somewhere new and better. For a long time now, I’ve been questioning if it’s even possible to make a fairer world without destroying our current structure.

Patriarchy requires oppression to function. And secrecy, which means lies. To get to truth and justice, which make up the rest of the iceberg that we cannot see because it’s so far beneath the surface, we might need to destroy some things. I was initially hopeful that the pandemic itself would serve this purpose, by allowing us to reset our understanding of our modern society in order to devise better systems, but underneath the virus is an undercurrent of rage with an incredible amount of force and power in it.

Something important is happening here. I love the conversations online about privilege. Every one of us needs to be involved, in whatever way we can, to care and support and advocate for a world that is actually fair for everyone, not just the rich or the white or the powerful. A rising tide lifts all boats, and what’s underneath this pandemic and these riots is a powerful force of change.

The saddest thing would be to come out of these turbulent months with our society unchanged. Staying on the surface, focused only on the tip of the iceberg, is not getting us anywhere. It’s time to swim, to dive deeper, to allow ourselves to be uncomfortable and in danger, for this is the engine of social change. Keep going lower, even when it hurts. Especially then. The truth lives in the darkest waters. If we want a fairer world we have to build it from the wreckage. This work needs every one of us to swim down to the depths and face what’s underneath.

In Culture, Identity, Nurture, Parenting, Personal Growth, Politics, Relationships, Uncategorized, University

We are Safe and We are Loved

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

My go-to mantra when I’m on a turbulent flight is I am safe and I am loved. I repeat it over and over in my mind (and occasionally under my breath) until I feel calmer. The Covid-19 pandemic is a long, turbulent flight that we are all experiencing separately but at the same time, so in response I’ve altered my meditation to we are safe and we are loved.

Like most students, my university classes all moved online in the middle of March. When my spring semester finally ended in early April, one student in my virtual classroom said he was going to spend his quarantine time learning new languages. Several of my generous classmates responded, “Good for you” while I secretly thought, “Fuck you” (not remotely generous or kind).

It’s okay not to have ambitious projects in mind during a global pandemic. We are safe and we are loved, whether we are able to learn new languages or simply get out of our pajamas once in awhile and go for a 20 minute walk around the block. It’s not a competition to emerge smarter or stronger at the end of this. It’s more than enough just to survive this strange and unsettling time. Thriving feels like too much to me on most days.

A friend of mine said, “One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time” when the pandemic began. Usually I focus mostly on the hour increments. Sometimes the minute ones. Yesterday both kids agreed to join Jason and I on our afternoon walk (full disclosure: it’s because both kids had school assignments that involved getting outside). We passed an adorable girl who lives in our townhouse complex, playing outside with her mom. She’s about three, with curly hair and round glasses. Her face split into a huge grin when the four of us walked by. She waved frantically and shouted, “Hi people!” That was a good moment, standing out like red roses against a white wall in the never-ending uncertainty of the Coronavirus.

We are safe and we are loved. I don’t know when the Covid-19 nightmare will be over. I cannot say whether our world will be changed for the better or for the worse when some semblance of normality returns. Like everyone, I peer into the future and it’s a murky haze of barely indistinguishable outlines that won’t crisp up for months to come. We just have to wait, which is not my strong suit. There are no guarantees. But for now I can offer you this: we are safe and we are loved.

We will make it through this. If you are like me, you’ll be salty a few times a day to the people you love most, while occasionally feeling overcome with gratitude for this amount of time you get to spend with each other. You might be fearful of how we will reintegrate back into society again. Perhaps you are scared of getting sick, or part of you actually enjoys the prolonged downtime. Me too. I’m raising my hand right alongside you.

I am afraid and I’m also full of joy. To go back to the turbulent flight metaphor, it’s important to remember that all flights eventually end. We are all going somewhere, even if the destination is one giant question mark. When it’s bumpy, you are welcome to join me in my mantra we are safe and we are loved. Because, for now, we are.

In Culture, Identity, Minimalism, Nurture, Personal Growth, Politics, Speaking, Writing

3 Words for 2020

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

Smaller. Braver. Justice. These are my 3 words for 2020. (Yes, I’m aware I missed writing this post in January, but it’s still early in the new decade, right? Or so I tell myself.)

I’ve been picking 3 words as a focus for my year since 2016. I learned this practice from the fabulous Sarah Bessey, who usually chooses one word for her year. One word didn’t seem like enough to me (plus I couldn’t narrow it down), so I picked 3.

At the end of each year, lit by the Christmas tree in the dewy darkness of December, I close my eyes and wait for words to develop on the screen of my mind. This year they came as softly as ever, but quickly, like staccato notes.

Smaller.

I’m determined to stop waiting for some future idea of success. I no longer want a huge reach on social media or to be a famous writer with a 7-figure book advance (well, I mostly don’t yearn for the enormous book deal). My goal is to return to a smaller sphere of influence. To be content with a small yet satisfying life. I want to stop believing that all of the good stuff is out there in the world and I have to chase it down. When I choose to summon gratitude for the people and the experiences that are already in my small circle, it’s actually abundant and joyful. By the end of 2020, I want to really know that a smaller life is more than enough.

Braver.

I’ve been working on courage for a long time. More confidence to speak up and use my voice. I’ve come a long way from the timid mouse I used to be, but this year I long to go even further. To use my privilege to benefit those who need more advocacy. My goal is to stop obsessing that I might be stepping out of line or rocking the boat. When I hear something offensive, I’m trying to speak up. Intuition is a powerful force, but it doesn’t work if we don’t use it. When I’m in a situation that doesn’t feel right, I’m planning to utilize my bravery more. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. This is how we move forward as a society. We need all of the voices. All of the courage. Together we can make a bigger impact.

Justice.

Which leads me to justice. For quite a few years now, I’ve been gathering my sensibilities around fairness and equality, but I’ve been doing this quietly. Now, in 2020, it feels like the right time to speak out. To write about the issues that are near and dear to me, even if they upset some people. It’s okay for others not to agree. That’s what freedom looks like. What’s not okay is to be too afraid to speak up. The stakes are high. It’s time. My hope is that my smaller life will help me become braver, which will prompt me to speak up for justice in a clear voice. I often remind myself that courage doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid. It simply means you go ahead and act anyway.

What are your words for 2020? What areas of growth do you plan to focus on in our fresh new decade of possibility?

In Culture, Identity, Minimalism, Nurture, Parenting, Personal Growth, Relationships, Spiritual Life

The Spaces Between

Author Julianne HarveyPosted on

This holiday season, as we reflect on the year we leave behind and think about the one about to begin, my hope is that we find peace in the quiet of the spaces between.

So much of our culture revolves around hustle. Be busy, achieve success, look great, do a lot but make it seem effortless. For me, this is not a path to happiness. My heart longs for less. Smaller. Quieter. I’m interested in the spaces between the accomplishments, where the buzz recedes into the distance and you can hear the echo of peace.

This may sound easy, but I assure you it’s not. Living an intentionally quiet and small existence at the end of 2019 takes a lot of focus and effort. I have to endlessly remind myself that I’m good enough, just as I am, and I’m here to pass this message along to you.

The spaces between things is where the interesting stuff resides. It’s the pause after the heartbeat that makes the human body function. The rest in the music is why we can distinguish one note or lyric from another. The space is where we settle down so we can see what we actually have to be grateful for.

Right now, before the holiday season is upon us, seems like a beautiful time to find peace in the spaces between. Notice how much you love the people you spend your time with. Pet your cat or dog and appreciate their warmth on these long winter nights. May the Christmas lights remind us that not everything is dark after all.

The only permission we need to rest and be grateful comes from ourselves. We don’t need committee approval for how we choose to spend our time. These important decisions of renewal and gratitude come from inside of us. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

May we settle into the spaces between and wrap the silence around us like a blanket. Be here, in this moment, and know that this is what really matters. Let’s find peace in the quiet, to end one year and purposefully begin the next one.