The Last Jedi

The Last Jedi

I’ve taken 2017 off from writing movie reviews, but The Last Jedi was such an emotional experience that I find myself longing to write about it.

Don’t worry if you haven’t seen it (although you really should go now!) as I don’t do plot spoilers. Don’t listen to the crabby haters online who are moaning about how Episode VIII should be wiped from the Star Wars canon (thank you, internet criticism, for creating a group of angry “fans” who demand a creative product meet their specific demands like it’s SO simple and easy to make a successful blockbuster franchise movie). Go see it for yourself and decide.

The Last Jedi is truly a stunning achievement. It’s packed with all of the action true fans long for, plus a host of witty, silly quips and special moments that linger in your mind long after the final credits roll. But more than that, this instalment gives us even more women as leaders worthy of respect (hooray!) and some deep explorations of complicated and important subjects.

This movie does not shy away from topics like the devastating effects of our rabid fame culture, honest questions about identity and belonging, the punishing personal cost of war, corporate greed ravishing the environment and the ever-widening soul-crushing gap between the wealthy and the poor. I love it when I can sink my teeth into these relevant issues and engage my kids in a lengthy morality debate on the way home from the cinema.

Our world is a broken place. The Last Jedi mirrors much of this sorrow in a relatable yet still entertaining fashion. Luke Skywalker, always my favourite from the original trilogy, is back here but damaged, older and considerably more fearful than we’ve seen him before.

Rey, a hero I adored in The Force Awakens, found Skywalker at the end of Episode VII and is desperate to learn what she can from him. But Master Luke is an unwilling teacher, pushing Rey toward Ben Solo, the tortured son of Han and Leia who has turned to the dark side. This connection between “good” and “evil” moved me deeply, particularly the image of Rey trying to answer the nagging question of who she really is and where she comes from.

Each one of us has the power to write our own story. If we don’t like our past, we possess the ability to change our present so that our future becomes something different. Nothing special is required for this. Only bravery. That’s the central message of The Last Jedi, and it’s one we need desperately at this precarious moment of human history.

Go see this movie. Return to a time when you went to see a cinematic story unfold without a thousand other voices in your head telling you what’s wrong with it. Simply go and be entertained. For me, The Last Jedi is powerful, hopeful, beautiful, stirring, emotional, satisfying. We need peace, purpose and courage to light our path, now more than ever.

May the force be with us, always.

Contentment

Contentment

I turn 45 this week. I’ve been thinking back to when I turned 37 and my life began to change dramatically. It’s hard to believe that 8 years have gone by since then. I read once that it takes 7 years for a new city to really feel like home and I believe that to be true. I’ve been living now as my authentic self for the last 7 years and I’m finally beginning to settle in and enjoy myself.

The biggest thing I did at the age of 37 was create boundaries. I had existed my whole life without any clear idea of where I ended and someone else began so boundaries were brand new and terrifying to me. Thankfully, my amazing counsellor Joanne explained what healthy boundaries looked like and she helped me find the courage to set them and hold them when they were tested. This process helped me take control of my time and safeguard my emotions. It saved me.

I also began to experiment with saying no when I didn’t want to do something. A few months ago I looked back over my calendars since 2011 and I felt weary just paging through the many obligations, committees, coffee dates, church activities, etc. that I used to do. Learning to say no and not stress over the other person’s reaction to my decision has liberated me and I’m incredibly grateful.

Perhaps this also falls under boundaries and saying no, but over the last few years I’ve made hard choices about the people I allow into my life and these decisions have made me so happy. At first, it was painful and isolating, but over time I could feel my soul healing as I recovered from the intense people pleasing that had been my key mode in the early years of my life. Choosing not to have negative, draining, selfish people in my inner circles has made room for so many positive, kind, generous ones to take their place and my health is better every single day as a result.

Turning 45 marks a significant point in my life. I’m working steadily in the Vancouver area as a background performer in film and TV and I feel so alive as I walk out my biggest dreams. I worked on a big show a few times this month and while waiting for the bathroom at the studio I stood outside of the writers’ room, listening to them have a story meeting. My spine tingled with the excitement of it, and the thought “one day I’ll be in a writers’ room” didn’t feel far-fetched in the slightest. Instead it seemed inevitable.

I just finished my first semester of my university creative writing class. I know it’s not polite to brag, but finishing with a mark in the mid-nineties was reassuring after so many years away from school. Right now I have the feeling that I’m in the sweet spot when it comes to decades of pursuing writing, speaking and film work. It’s coming together, in a satisfying and unforced manner, and I am so content.

It’s only recently that I’ve actually decided to enjoy my life as it is, not how I once dreamed it could be. Chasing an elusive someday stokes up discontent and sadness. Staying present to notice what’s working well and paying attention to those you love who also love you in return is worth its weight in gold.

Here’s to marking the middle of my forties with gratitude, warmth and light. Our world needs us to be operating at our healthiest and happiest capacity. As a friend posted the other day, “Water only what waters you. Let go of anything that leaves you feeling thirsty.”

Accepting our Bodies

Accepting our Bodies

I’m working on accepting my body, exactly as it is. We live in a world where it’s all too easy to pine for a thinner frame where clothes hang a certain way and where we feel like we are winning at the game of healthy eating and exercise.

One way I’m pushing myself toward body acceptance is through the background work I’m doing as an actor in film and TV. I recently took Ava in for new headshots for her acting and I booked myself in at the same time. Choosing her new photos was fun and easy for me. Choosing mine were more challenging.

These were some of the thoughts that came up as I scrolled through my images: Do I really have that many wrinkles around my eyes? Why does my face look so puffy? I thought my skin looked smoother than that! And my arms…what the hell is going on there? They look so bulky. 

And in the few full-length shots with Ava and I together in case we get called on for mother-daughter work? Forget it. She was lovely, vibrant, healthy. I looked, um, rounder around the middle than I’d prefer to imagine I look.

I’m determined to love myself through these pictures (and updated measurements for wardrobe on the last feature film I was on). I’m not 14 like Ava is. I’m 44 and I’ve birthed two rather large children. I am worthy of love and care when I’m thinner and when I’m pleasantly plump.

Sure, these experiences could motivate me to up my game in the exercise and eating game. I am making small changes that I hope will be sustainable. I lost 30 pounds five years ago and kept it off until last fall, when the stress of my appendix rupture followed by a provincial move seemed to jettison my good habits and get my weight back to where I started. But I love the idea of being gentler and kinder to myself this time around.

Body image is a thorny issue in our world today. We seem to have polarizing views on the subject with obesity on the rise in our culture. I think the key is to cultivate love and generosity towards ourselves and others. The goal is to feel beautiful and sexy in our own skin, no matter how the number fluctuates on the scale.

It’s hard. I know it is. I’m being deliberate about working in the body-conscious film world and pushing myself to accept what I look like in photos and onscreen. I’m doing my best not to compare my arms or thighs or belly to anyone else’s. We are all different and aren’t meant to be carbon copies of each other. I have no interest in starving myself to be a size 0. But if I’m a size 14 or 16 instead of a 12, I don’t want to beat myself up over it or feel less-than in some way.

How do you manage to accept and love your body exactly as it is? I’d love to hear from you and keep the dialogue going.

Summer Movie Recommendations

Summer Movie Recommendations

It’s hot out and if you are looking to beat the heat by going to the cinema, here are a few of my favourite summer movies so far in 2017. Buy that popcorn, snuggle into your seat (go to Landmark Cinemas if you really want to relax by reclining) and get ready to be swept away by some stellar narratives.

If you haven’t seen Wonder Woman yet, what in the world is taking so long? Stop reading this immediately and GO.

It’s the best movie out there. It will entertain, encourage and motivate you. Patty Jenkins has taken a giant leap forward for all women with this film.

Wonder Woman is amazing, on every level. If you want to know more, read this post. And then go see it.


The Big Sick is a modern romantic comedy, but don’t let that appalling category keep you away. This is a story that feels real because it’s based on comedian Kumail Nanjiani’s true life love story.

It’s charming, sad, funny, sweet and genuine. The Big Sick is old-school storytelling, with no special effects or gadgets.

You’ll be won over. I found myself thinking about this movie days after I saw it.

 

Don’t see this if you haven’t seen the first two movies in the trilogy, but stream both of them and then head to the theatres for this stunning conclusion.

This finale is darker and more violent, but negotiating is over and now it’s all-out war between the apes and the humans. These films are beautiful allegories about the cost of war and the value of peace and compromise.

War for the Planet of the Apes is timely and stirring. Plus apes on horses shooting machine guns is bloody fantastic.

 

I must admit that I wouldn’t voluntarily choose to see Dunkirk, but my husband had been waiting for months for this one, so I booked it as our anniversary date.

We saw it in IMAX, which is how Christopher Nolan intended for it to be seen, and it blew me away. 107 minutes of tense, anxious fear, where you feel immersed in what those soldiers had to endure to try to get off that hellish beach.

Dunkirk is a daring filmmaking experiment that works on every level. It’s unlike any war movie I’ve ever seen. It’s haunting and beautiful and frightening. Go see it.

Next up:

The Glass Castle is a terrific memoir and Ava and I have been eagerly anticipating the movie. It comes out this Friday and we’ll be there to see it.

I have a soft spot for stories of addiction, mental illness and family dysfunction. My personal experience is tame compared to Jeannette Walls’ memories, but with this excellent cast I’m hoping for a strong cinematic version of her powerful memoir.

 

What have you seen this summer that you would recommend?

Going Back to University

Going Back to University

I’m going back to university this fall to finish my undergraduate degree.

I have one and a half years of college completed, but it was A) many moons ago and B) taken in the United States so most of it won’t transfer to Canada, which essentially means that I’m going back to school to start fresh on a degree that I was partway to finishing twenty-four years ago and didn’t complete.

But it sounds better to me to say I’m going back in order to finish, as attending school part-time in my mid-forties is a daunting task. I may still get some credit from my transcripts, but even if I don’t, I’ve decided to stop waiting around to complete this life goal (or at least inch toward it).

Our biggest goals are funny entities. At times, they feel so close we can touch them, and other times they elude us and drive us mad with frustration. One day this spring I realized that I’ve been talking about going back to school for so many years and no time seemed quite right to do it.

I did return to Weekend University in Calgary in 2009 but after one course I decided to put it on hold as running a home business, working part-time at a local newspaper, writing and managing life with a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old proved too much for me. At the time I thought I’d take a break for a year or two and then return when life settled down but suddenly 8 years went by and I realized I’d done nothing to get me closer to graduating with a Bachelor of Arts.

So I’m doing it now. My writing and speaking careers are chugging along, with small, happy milestones along the way to my biggest dreams becoming realities. Ava’s acting career is moving forward and I’m busy taking her to auditions and working with her agent on submissions. I’m getting a few days work here and there as a background performer in movies and TV shows. I just formed a production company with two people and I’m screenwriting and producing short films. It’s all an incredible amount of fun and feels like the right combination of tasks for me to be doing.

Returning to university, even for one class a semester, is equal parts terrifying and exciting. When I said this to my friend Pam, she responded, “Well, Julianne, if you aren’t terrified and excited you aren’t really living life to the fullest!” This helped to encourage me, probably more than she knows.

Ava is 14 and in a few years we will be touring colleges and universities for her. I won’t be anywhere near done my degree by then but at least I’ll be plugging away at it, chipping away at this goal that fell by the wayside for a number of (mostly) valid reasons so many years ago. I want to continue to challenge myself, to prove that I can do things that are way out of my comfort zone.

I can learn. I can work hard. I can dream big. I can model what I believe through my day-to-day actions. This time around, my degree will be in Creative Writing instead of Communications. It’s been a long and winding road to find my way back to my true self and to develop the courage to grow into my biggest dreams. I’ve never been happier.

It’s time to stop talking about this particular goal and get inching toward it. Better late than never.